


Roots of a Promise

by lyriumspectrify



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion: Gakuen Datenroku | Campus Apocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1473040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyriumspectrify/pseuds/lyriumspectrify
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Shinji experiences Kaworu's last moments before he goes back into Yggdrasil, he is assured that this does not mean the end for their bond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roots of a Promise

**“Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.”** \- _Khalil Gibran_

\----------

It was quiet. Peaceful.

Completely different from what it was a few moments ago. There was yelling…

No, the yelling is gone. But Shinji didn’t know where he was right now, even as he opened his eyes blearily, the warm light of sunshine and clear skies leaking into his vision. He didn’t want to move. There wasn’t any need to.

But a silhouette appeared, so very familiar and kind, bringing the world back to focus. Kaworu was there, smiling down at him as he laid in the grass.

“Shinji,” he called softly.

“...Kaworu…?”

It was all coming back now. What happened with Yggdrasil, his… not his father, Gendo. His mom…

He asked Kaworu of these things, but he merely shook his head in response. Shinji felt guilty, useless that he couldn’t help Kaworu upon realizing what he meant by that gesture. He voiced his concern, but Kaworu hushed him and assured him it wasn’t true.

They looked up at the branches together, and Shinji exhaled slowly.

“...You are the reason I didn’t want to destroy this world,” Kaworu confesses with a small, sad smile playing over his lips. He played with a leaf between his fingers as he spoke, eyes of crimson glancing over at Shinji from under his lashes. Shinji exhales softly, a squeeze of pain gripping his heart upon hearing those words.

He mattered to Kaworu. He always knew that, but hearing Kaworu say that sort of thing to confirm it had a far greater impact than his own musings would. Shinji knew Kaworu mattered to him too, and how happy he was to share fate with him instead of anyone else…

But their time was too short. They were already running on scraps now, fragments of what’s left like shattered glass slipping through fingers, each realization of loss like every cut the shards would bring.

Now that it was too late… There’s so much they could have done, so much they could have _been_. Shinji wasn’t even completely sure what he meant with that meaningful desire, but it did not discomfort him.

He’s lost so much already, and after learning all of it so quickly, he’s about to lose again.

Kaworu noticed the sad bitterness in Shinji’s expression, how he was worrying his lower lip the slightest with his teeth. He reached out, placing the leaf in Shinji’s hand before clasping their fingers between one another, holding his hand tightly and keeping the leaf firmly in place.

Shinji was brought out from his thoughts, looking at Kaworu with a soft confusion. “Kaworu, what is it?” he asked.

“Shinji,” he started, squeezing Shinji’s hand the slightest. “I wanted to thank you. For everything.”

Shinji laughed softly, confused. “What are you saying? If anything, I should be the one thanking you, Kaworu.  Because of me, you’re--”

“Don’t,” he interrupted quietly. “I chose this. I chose this because you’ve shown me so many wonderful things worth protecting. That’s nothing to regret, so please…”

Kaworu closed his eyes, taking in a slow breath while Shinji watched his face in concern.

“...What? Please what?” Shinji asked, his voice quiet.

Finally opening his eyes, Kaworu only stared silently back at Shinji. The only sound in the air was the rustle of the leaves above them in the wind and the creaks of the branches reaching, always reaching further and beyond now that it was whole again. He smiled for Shinji, but his eyes spoke otherwise.

“...Kaworu?” Shinji pressed for an answer.

“...These are my final moments,” Kaworu said evenly, without blinking. “I would ask for no more… than to have you here until I am gone,” he finished, his eyebrows creasing the slightest as though saying those words brought him pain.

They brought Shinji pain, too. It was confirmation that this was the last time he would get to see Kaworu and be with him like this.

….Well, whatever _this_ was, anyways. Shinji had decided that he must still be a part of Yggdrasil, at least for the time being until Kaworu was finally completely accepted.

Shinji smiled sadly back at Kaworu. “I’ll stay. I won’t leave until… I have to, I guess,” he says with a half-hearted shrug. He isn’t sure exactly how any of this works, but…

He’ll take whatever time they have left. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t much, just so long as it meant he didn’t have to say goodbye any sooner.

Kaworu smiled gratefully, gently pulling Shinji’s hand. “Walk with me, Shinji.”

After the first few steps, Shinji noticed the grass dissipating from beneath their feet, now treading stars in empty space as the tree before them glowed and encircled them. In any normal situation, this would be alarming. But the lack of concern on Kaworu’s face let Shinji feel at ease, as though this was supposed to happen. He was learning to accept things as they came along, especially after these past few days.

Kaworu looked back at Shinji. “Remember what I said about Yggdrasil and the gateways to other lifetimes?” he asked softly, tugging his hand to have him stand next to his side.

Shinji stepped forward, nodding. “Yeah. Yggdrasil is the pillar holding their stability, right?”

“That’s correct,” he confirmed. “As well as the gateways to those worlds,” he added, lightly touching one of the nearby branches.

Everything around them shimmered, white light enveloping until it exploded into a rich sunset. Shinji could see two figures in the water, one supporting the other while they cried.

“...Are we…?” he quietly mumbled.

Kaworu shook his head. “We’re not really here, simply viewing. But otherwise, this is as real as our own world,” he explained, eyes trained carefully on the two in the distance. There was a pain in his eyes that Shinji couldn’t quite place, but then again Kaworu probably understood and saw more of what was here than he ever could.

“One of the first times…”  Kaworu murmured with a sigh.

“What?” Shinji asked, but before he received an answer the ground shifted below them again with a violent toss, like a massive heartbeat before churning up an image of the same two people from before, sitting at a piano and producing seamless, flowing music together. Shinji’s eyes widened, fully recognizing them.

They were both himself and Kaworu. Not exactly the same, but there was no doubting it.

Shinji gaped. “It’s…!”

“Correct,” Kaworu said while casting a sidelong grin to Shinji. “Us. We also have different paths and lives, Shinji. Endless, everlasting in one way or another,” he spoke, tilting his head the slightest.

Shinji stared, listening quietly to the Kaworu he knew speak while the music played by their others filled the space. Not as suddenly as the last time, the world crawled away from their view until settling back to the sunny space they stared, under the branches of Yggdrasil.

“Shinji,” Kaworu called for his attention again, and as Shinji turned to face him he felt his hand gently pulled so they were both sitting in the grass. When Kaworu finally let Shinji’s hand go, he quietly noted how cold it felt without Kaworu’s in place. It made his chest ache the slightest bit and it was hard to swallow it down.

“If you take anything away from this… I want you to remember what I showed you,” Kaworu said with a gentle firmness. “I can tell you’re upset because I have to go.”

Shinji frowned, avoiding eye contact while Kaworu spoke the truth.

“But...” he continued, reaching out and turning Shinji’s face so their eyes would meet. Shinji kept looking around with his eyes, trying to avoid the inevitable, but Kaworu was too patient. With a sigh, Shinji looked back at him.

He smiled. “...I won’t leave you. I never have, not in this lifetime or the next. It’s like you said… We share a fate. Together.”

Shinji bit his lower lip, eyes burning the slightest. He exhaled sharply, struggling to keep eye contact. “...And like _I_ said,” he finally spoke (was his voice this hoarse before?), “I… am really glad I share it with you. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have this with.”

A look crossed Kaworu’s face again that Shinji recognized from the last time he said that. Happiness, pure and whole. “Please remember, Shinji. Even if I seem like I’m gone, I’m not. I’m with you, somewhere, somehow.”

He let go of Shinji’s face, his hand sliding down to his shoulder. “We will meet again. Even if you don’t remember me in your mind…” his words drifted off and Kaworu’s gaze shifted to the roots of Yggdrasil that dug into the ground.

“...I will remember for both of us, that is my promise. This is what will keep us together, since I will be the core and foundation of Yggdrasil,” he sighed with a hint of bittersweetness. He paused, casting a glance back to Shinji. “...Is this something you would want? Is it really okay for you?”

Even though Shinji was frowning, he had a determined look set on his face. “Kaworu, why the hell would you even need to ask that? Of course that’s fine, I already told you…” he answered, this time reaching out for Kaworu.

He wrapped his arms over his shoulders, pulling their chests together as he hugged him tight. Kaworu sat in light shock for a moment before shuddering to life, his own arms timidly wrapping around Shinji’s back in a hug.

“...So, remember for the both of us, okay?” Shinji requested, murmuring into Kaworu’s shoulder. “Whenever you find me, please remind me the best you can and I’ll do my best… to stay with you again.”

“Of course…”  Kaworu breathed softly while tightening his hold.

Soon after their promise was made, Shinji could feel the light of their surroundings filling his eyes, even when closing them. No matter how tightly he held Kaworu, no matter how real the sting of his newly shed tears were, everything began to slip.

“Thank you, Shinji. Thank you for staying with me,” he heard Kaworu’s voice echo somewhere in the distance.

Kaworu’s voice filled the dark space of his mind until he found himself once again blearily opening his eyes.

But this time, it was to chaos.

The voices around him were hurrying, trying to make sure he was alive and well. He was being carried off, probably to an infirmary of some sort. He was alive, and he had Kaworu to thank for that. With a weak smile and unfocused eyes, Shinji realized he probably has a lot to thank Kaworu for, even if he doesn’t remember.

He doesn’t remember, but he knows deep down in his heart.

_ Thank you... _


End file.
